Douglas Todd: Spiritual narcissism inflates ego

Douglas Todd on the writings and thoughts of Gerald May on spiritual narcisism:

We can all succumb to narcissism when we have a spiritual growth spurt or philosophical insight. It happens when we begin thinking we are pretty great because we have achieved a level of development others have not.

How it creeps in

Here are six examples of how spiritual narcissism can creep in:

Feeling Chosen: Spiritual seekers who believe they have been “chosen” can become narcissistic. Like being on the playground and getting picked early for a team, nothing boosts self-importance more than feeling one is among the Select.

Striving to be a master: Gerald May distrusts seekers who want to become God-like. Whether they’re Christians, neo-pagans or atheist existentialists, he cites how fearful people often struggle to “amass personal power and control over destiny,” rather than learn to let go and sacrifice.

Working to be good: While many indulge in vices, others strive to be highly moral. Sometimes they go too far. May says some people “so achingly long to be helpful that they are blinded.” The Tao Te Ching advises, “Give up sainthood … and it will be a 100 times better for everyone.”

Over-emphasizing spiritual levels: American ethicist James Fowler created a famous ladder showing how people ascend through stages of spiritual maturity. While May found some validity in it, he cautioned against making spiritual levels so concrete. May would have also critiqued the colour-coded developmental memes of Don Beck’s spiral dynamics. With ladders, it’s too easy to rank yourself on a higher rung.

Lacking forgiveness: It is right to yearn for justice. It is another thing to be unable to get over an injustice, particularly to oneself. The unforgiving, May says, separate themselves from others, and become captives of resentment and superiority. Psychologist Nancy McWilliams refers to people who can’t let go of an injustice as “hyper-vigilant narcissists.”

Brotherly and sisterly love: In discussing active “filial love,” May says there is a danger of doing so to bolster self-regard. Aiding others because of guilt can be spiritually narcissistic. Even though Christianity and Buddhism call for acts of compassion, May says over-helpful people can “lose their experiential connectedness with the divine mystery of life.”

Avoiding the trap

…. he taught the most direct way to discern whether we are surrendering to unconditional love, rather than to self-aggrandizement, is to check to see if our spiritual journey is “deepening our compassion and service to the world.”

Can happen in all fields.

Douglas Todd: Spiritual narcissism inflates ego.